Whod you bang
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
