I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
