god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
