You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
