alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
