i think my mom watched the whole time
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize