Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
please come you make the beer taste better
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
