I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm like, not good at living.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
