4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
