All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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