I'm lost and stupid without you.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
