I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
