i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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