This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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