No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
