very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
