Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
