dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
please don't ironically join a cult
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