So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
