it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
