mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
