god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
