you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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