You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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