I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Randomize
