Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
