sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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