why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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