I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
