she woke up with a sticky ear
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Randomize
