so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
