she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
