I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
