Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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