Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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