i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
is wine microwaveable?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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