Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
