I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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