Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
