Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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