i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
