I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
