i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
