dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize