you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Your penis caused this!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
