By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
