the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
