I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
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WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
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Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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