I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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