Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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