I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I lost the right to judge tonight
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
