Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Even my vagina gasped.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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