Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
