i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
