He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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