I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
