so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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