Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the day after is always just damage control
Everything about him screamed your future.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
