this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
