I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
