There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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