I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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