mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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