i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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