is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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