saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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