Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
In other news, I just burned my penis
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
