I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
