I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
