is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
