I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
