Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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