hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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