I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
