I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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