Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
