so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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